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Not a competition

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It’s Been a While…

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My life got pretty busy the last five years, and I started sharing more of my thoughts on a FB group I belong to.  Since I am retiring in August, I will have more time to dedicate to writing, so I am getting started again.

So!  Here is my command to all of you trying to kick grief’s butt right now….

WAKE UP!

GET UP!

SHOW UP!

(Thanks for coming to my TED Talk)

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Take Courage, Lady! (Judith 11)

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“If I should have a daughter…“Instead of “Mom”, she’s gonna call me “Point B.” Because that way, she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me. And I’m going to paint the solar system on the back of her hands so that she has to learn the entire universe before she can say “Oh, I know that like the back of my hand.”

She’s gonna learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face, wait for you to get back up so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band-aids or poetry, so the first time she realizes that Wonder-woman isn’t coming, I’ll make sure she knows she doesn’t have to wear the cape all by herself. Because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me, I’ve tried.

And “Baby,” I’ll tell her “don’t keep your nose up in the air like that, I know that trick, you’re just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else, find the boy who lit the fire in the first place to see if you can change him.”

But I know that she will anyway, so instead I’ll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boats nearby, ‘cause there is no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix. Okay, there’s a few heartbreaks chocolate can’t fix. But that’s what the rain boots are for, because rain will wash away everything if you let it.

I want her to see the world through the underside of a glass bottom boat, to look through a magnifying glass at the galaxies that exist on the pin point of a human mind. Because that’s how my mom taught me. That there’ll be days like this, “There’ll be days like this my momma said” when you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises. When you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you wanna save are the ones standing on your cape. When your boots will fill with rain and you’ll be up to your knees in disappointment and those are the very days you have all the more reason to say “thank you,” ‘cause there is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it’s sent away.

You will put the “wind” in win some lose some, you will put the “star” in starting over and over, and no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life.

And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting I am pretty damn naive but I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily but don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it.

“Baby,” I’ll tell her “remember your mama is a worrier but your papa is a warrior and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more.”

Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things and always apologize when you’ve done something wrong but don’t you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining.

Your voice is small but don’t ever stop singing and when they finally hand you heartbreak, slip hatred and war under your doorstep and hand you hand-outs on street corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.”
― Sarah Kay

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20 Ways to Get Through Those Bad Days – Maureen Hunter

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After the loss of a loved one we are thrown into the chaos of grief, flailing around aimlessly in the swell of hurt and emotions that swamp us. Every day seems like a bad day.

Even many years later we can have days where the effort of coping, the effort of everyday demands and the effort of living becomes too great to bear for a time. We give in and collapse, letting ourselves become engulfed and dragged down by our emotional burdens.

When we’re in that place it’s hard to find a way out, to see daylight and be able to breathe in fresh air again. Here are some tips to help you navigate the black hole – 20 ways you can get through your bad days. More

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Happy Birthday, Howie

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I had no idea that today was going to be so difficult.  While I have been self-talking the last few days, I was in no way prepared for this.  I had a hard time falling asleep last night because I had a headache, which is unusual for me.  This morning when I woke up at 6, there was no way I was going to function without more sleep.  I called in for half a day off but managed to make it in by 10:30.

I can go for days, sometimes weeks, with nothing extremely pressing to tackle at work.  Why today, when I am not quite wrapped tight, do I have 500 little things that need my immediate attention in addition to one extremely emotional teenager, two concerned parents, and a frantic administrator?  I am truly not sure if I will make it through this day.

I have planned a lantern release at 7 PM tonight with my friends.  I know I need to follow through and do it, but what I really want to do is sleep.